Home

Being home has been everything I hoped for. Sleeping in my own bed and using my own shower has given me a new feeling of peace. Exhaustion has caught up to me mostly though. I think it too has something to do with a familiar bed. I don't think that two months of high level stress is considered a health benefit.

Maddi is doing very well being home. The daily therapy work that we are doing is going well. She is working through 4th grade curriculum to develop stamina and attention for completing tasks independently. She is doing great. The thing that I think is so remarkable is her willingness to do this mundane work. Her memory is amazing but being able to keep her attention is difficult but she doesn't ever complain about doing this "easy" stuff.

I am grateful that she has a good attititude about this whole process. She works hard and she is really dedicated to relearning the skills she needs to go back to school. The high achiever in her hasn't dimmed at all. She is highly motivated!

We went to Sacrement Meeting on Sunday. We were late in arriving. Having not been home for so long I was unaware that our clocks are about 10 minutes slow. We ended up sitting in the foyer. It was Ward Conference and there were no seats in the back and we didn't want to walk up to the front.

It wasn't quite what I wanted our first Sunday to look like but it was still fabulous for all of us to be together in our home ward. Brooke was so kind to join us. It was almost like a time warp before Brooke's graduation.

It was a strange feeling to be there again. Maddi was sitting between John and I, it seemed like the last 65 days were just a complete nightmare and that all was as it was before. We were seeing friends and neighbors that have been following via the blog. It was a feeling of being deeply cared for.

I have been so humbled by the many people saying how much hope and inspiration this blog has created. I started this blog as a way to spread information and in my attempt to do that I also spread my feelings all over cyberspace. It has been hard to keep those things seperate.

I was reading in the biography of Thomas S. Monson and he was quoted in the book as saying,

"Those who have felt the touch of the Master's hand somehow cannot explain the change which comes into their lives. There is a desire to live better, to serve faithfully , to walk humbly and to live more like the Savior."

He made this comment after his sweet wife had surgery and they had come face to face with the possibility of life being different than they had planned. The Lord blessed them and us with a positive outcome. As I read this statement in the frameowork of our most recent journey, I completely understand what he was talking about.

We have been so greatly blessed. It is truly a miracle! While at the hospital we talked to many of the trauma doctors and other staff and most of the people that were involved with Maddi's case were haunted through the month of December. From what they said they are really good at separating their emotions from their work. Many people said that there was just "something" about Maddi that drew them in and touched their hearts.

Part of that haunting was because they understood the grevious nature of Maddi's injuries. More than one of the doctors told us that if it had been their own child they would have refused any assistance. That definitely would have changed our outcome. The other reason for the haunting is that any other possible outcomes were all less than ideal. Most of those doctors spent the month of December worried that Maddi would be unable to recover the most basic levels of conscienceness.

John and I had "that" conversation and had to make "those" decisions. We talked of organ donations and possible outcomes. Not many parents ever come face to face with those decision and those that do most often don't stay married. I prefer for that part of the journey to stay deeply buried and never revisited. However, one of the side effects of this blog has been the detailed account of Maddi's recovery and that part of the story needs to be recorded.

Writing on that terrible day was impossible but that day makes her recent recovery all the more profound for us. I happened to get a call from a dear friend the morning after our agonizing night. I am a terrible liar and cannot pretend, her call put her in the unfortunate place of hearing the truth of how bad it really was. I feel bad that she had to hear it but it needed to be spoken and my need to let all of that out was great. A heartfelt thanks goes out to that friend for being inspired to call at the time I could actually open that part of my heart and my fears.

I have been completely envious as people have said that "always knew" that Maddi would be OK. John and I were not given that confirmation as we prayed for Maddi and it wasn't a lack of feeling the spirit. The Spirit was undeniably strong and we were carried on those dark days. We were planning for the worst and praying for the strength to accept the Lord's will, hoping and praying for a miracle.

Part of our journey was the acceptance of our inability to do anything to change the outcome. Jesus, Savior Pilot Me has always been a favorite hymn. During this time the words to this song, strengthened me and helped me find peace and perspective. I could do an entire post on the symbolism of that song in regards to this experience.

After that terrible day and she lived, we knew that the quality of life then became the worry. We didn't want her stuck in any way. We wanted her to recover completely! We didn't have any gaurantees or any say in the matter, about the degree of her recovery. Even now the doctors cannot explain it. We haven't come to the end of this journey but Maddi has recovered so much that we can see a happy life in the future. That is more than we were ever prepared for.

What the future holds for Maddi is still unknown but the future is just that, in the future. We will take each step of recovery as a beautiful mercy.

To quote Maddi's first complete sentence; "We are so very, very blessed."